UNDERSTANDING THE ROAD TO INFIDELITY

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How did I end up in an affair?


Wouldn't it be nice if life had a giant red sign flashing DANGER when we're about to make a life altering decision? If you begin to look at the act of rationalizing as your danger sign, you'll find that it will always warn you when you're getting ready to make a wrong turn. All of us face the human temptation to duck important ethical or moral responsibilities. Temptation grows stronger when we're tired, afraid, under pressure, or in conflict. Rationalization can fool us, by making what we know or suspect is unethical or immoral seem perfectly ethical or moral.
Once we are barreling down the road of rationalizations, the more intent we are to stay the course we've chosen, because to admit fault is a blow to our self-concept. With 'the pedal to the medal' and a set of blinders on, we focus only on the path that promises to give us something we want. We ignore the signs flashing 'DANGER - CLIFF AHEAD', it becomes a blur in our periphery as we chase whatever it is we are after. Like a train speeding downhill, without breaks, our rationalizations gain momentum pushing us faster and further, while under the illusion that we can stop the runaway train any time we choose.
We become oblivious to the consequence that may ensue. As the looming cliff comes into focus, it's to late to do anything...we're going over - to crash and burn! Inevitably there will be innocent people in the path of our crash that will be horrified and mangled when our choices come hurling toward them.

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The discovery of a spouses affair is traumatic to say the least. Healing from infidelity is a long and painful process that requires you to focus on yourself and your needs. Your world is understandably shattered and filled with overwhelming emotions. Everything you are feeling is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Don't worry about trying to convince others that the trauma inflicted upon you was unjustified. There is never any excuse for infidelity that would make it justified. Yet, justifying the utter devastation to the betrayed spouse is precisely what the cheating spouse does. Your life has been profoundly changed - the challenge is accepting that you can never go back, and transforming that change into an opportunity for personal growth. This change is a transformation you choose, not one that has been inflicted upon you. Your spouses infidelity is not a reflection of your inadequacy, but a reflection of theirs. Only they get the choice to change and grow from the choices they have made.